It only hurts when I laugh.....

My Father was right! There is something radically wrong with me.....

I'd had the normal quota of aches and pains over my 50yrs... not bad when you think about what that naughty Ward Sister did to me back in 67' (resulting in 'Volkmann's ischemic contracture' to my right arm and a badly warped right shoulder...) but this is something far more impacting.

It all started in Dec of 2010 ( the 10th I believe?) , not that I noticed as I was lain waste with the worst bout of Flu I've ever suffered from, and it's not really abated since.

Brother Luke, my adopted Son, had picked up a bug from school ( Special schools, like old Folk's Homes, are breeding grounds for some of the weirdest and nastiest bugs man can fall prey to). All those compromised immune systems make it the perfect 'meet and greet' centre for every bug doing the rounds and , as you would expect, some of them fall in love and have bastard offspring.

One such love child had Luke in it's claws so I put us into isolation whilst it burned itself out in him. Sadly it jumped ship before it went down and hauled out into my body.

This is where my troubles began. I would speak more of Luke but the impacts of our virus proved too great a challenge for his frail body and he passed away in Feb of 2011. Unlike me Luke didn't have the luxury of saying 'No' , he was non verbal, he couldn't even show us how slow he'd become in his movements, he was wheelchair bound, he couldn't even tell us he was off his food, he was gastro fed, all he could do was endure a full and active winter term at school whilst his poor broken body, pushed beyond it's capacities failed him.

Had I not been so impacted by my woes I might have had a chance to spot how bad he was faring but, cocooned in my own misery, I noticed nothing.

Winters could be bad for me, one slip and my back was out for the duration and 09'/2010' had been a very 'slippy' winter.2010/11 was headed the same way even before my run in with my nasty visitor so I just slogged on when the going became rough. 

By May the 'slogging' was still ongoing and I knew something was not right. We'd lost Luke so I knew I ought be low but not so low! Every joint and sinew screamed with unending aches and pains and every new day merely dovetailed into the exhaustion carried over from the previous evening.

My Dr. was advised of my woes but he seemed to think it par for the course of someone in mourning, it had been a rough couple of years, and so thought a period of anti depressants was all that was needed.

Six months of not giving a shi-ite about how little I was doing or how carp I was feeling I advised my Dr. the happy pills were not working out. What followed was a year of upping my pain control and trying out a plethora of weird and wacky brain numbing ' neural interrupters'  and I was exactly where I had been in Dec 2010.

Live this way for any extended period of time and you'll find your marbles slowly disappearing.Memory fails and concentration leaves the building.

My Dr. tells me I have 'Post Viral Syndrome', I ask him what it is and he tells me it's all I'm suffering with...... I ask about cures and he says 'None', you learn to live with it. 'Live'? not really. 'Exist'? better.

I'm sure the folk I know and love are sick of me being sick. I know my kids are.

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that having this 'syndrome' doesn't impact. Light housework leaves me floored. Sitting leaves me exhausted, walking is a no go. The only time I feel close to 'normal' is when I crawl into bed at night as this is the 'correct' time to feel as done in as I do all day.

So , should you be reading this feeling as I do, you are not alone. I believe you when you tell me how you feel. I understand how limiting it is being around those you Love best and knowing they can't appreciate how it is being you these days. I know how destructive knowing 'this is it now' can be. At least we're still here though. Others did not make it this far so we have to count our blessings and hope beyond hope that this thing does burn out over time, that it is not a life sentence.